Sometimes I feel like the more I get to know people, the less I like them. And sometimes it takes meeting new people to see other people in a new way. I've seen a lot lately in people that appalls me. Maybe I've just become bitter and cynical. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders sometimes. I am someone that people depend on. I am responsible and capable and strong, and sometimes I just want to collapse under the pressure. I try to endure...but sometimes I just need a break. I've become terribly detached lately. I don't think it will stick, but for now, it's almost nice....minus the terrible guilt I feel about it, of course.
I just want to take off somewhere and be lost for a while. But I won't. Because I feel a great sense of responsibility, not just for myself, but for everyone around me. Probably more for those around me than myself. Which is why comments like, "it's all your fault" go more to heart for me than they do for others. I can't help but feel responsible for things when that's floating around in my head all the time.
I'm not dysfunctional. I just function differently. Meh.
I need to call Crystal. Maybe I'll blog more later. I dunno....
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