I don't know what you came here for; it's almost that I wish we hadn't met at all...

Ooh...I'm blogging. It's been a while. I'm always thinking about it, but I never do it.

There's just so much that I want to say...so much that I'm thinking.

I'm tired of people popping in and out of my life. I've never been good with "sometimes" friends. I don't understand conditions on friendships or relationships. I realize that everything is conditional, but still...must we make conditions and then not tell me about them? For instance, I do not understand how someone can beg me to stay online and talk just a little while longer, and then not speak to me again after that. I do not understand how someone can talk to me for months, be one of my closest friends, and then cut all ties with me outside of Facebook and occasionally tagging me in a note. They may think they're throwing me a bone to make me feel better, but it really just hurts more. If you don't want to speak to me, don't rub it in by tagging me in a note just to remind me that you remember me. I'd rather think that you have forgotten me completely, like maybe someone told you I died and you had done your mourning and moved on. If you're not interested in having a conversation with me, don't comment on my pictures. I just...I don't even know how to explain it. I hate the internet. I hate what it has done to interpersonal relationships. I hate that people think a "friendship" consists of appeasing someone by occasionally commenting on their Facebook. Boo. I hate when people can't commit, be it to a friendship or anything else. I hate it so much because I am the girl who will always be there. Boys have a huge tendency to take advantage of this quality. It truly sucks to be the person who always holds on, always tries, always works to keep the relationship (whatever it may be) afloat, and rarely sees the effort reciprocated. Mmmmmeh. Oh well.

I wish I were a lyricist. I can write poems all day long, but lyrics elude me. They feel silly and contrived. I do love music, though. I really do.

I've been stuck in a terrible rut lately. A day of fun always snaps me out of that for a while, though. It's interesting, because one good day will last me a week, keeping me in better spirits...but after a bit the mood fades and I'm right back where I was. I feel almost like my old, happy, free self again. It's nice. I need to move forward and stay there. I need new friends. New, dependable friends. I notice, though, that the older we get, the less likely we are to want any more "real" friends than we already have.

I'm falling asleep in my chair. I really should go to bed. I wish I could think of more things to write about, though. I don't write enough, and it's cathartic. I miss it.

And, as a P.S. - I was told to look up a psychrometric chart today. If you don't know what it is, you should look it up. It gave me more respect for my local air conditioning specialist...